The mind called “Mann” in Hindi, made from only two alphabets, is contains oceans in it which are so deep and vast in their extent. It exists physically or not, we are not sure. Even in this “Mann” is a component called “subconscious mind” which is like an ocean on which the “conscious mind” floats like an iceberg. Conscious mind is so small in comparison to the subconscious mind. It stores all the past memories and suppressed emotions and saves us from the embarrassments the conscious mind can land us in.
Layers upon layers of memories are deposited with the passage of time. These reams of memories are not deposited one upon another. There is an unknown architectural scheme for storing the data. Sometimes any disturbance or catalyst brings some memory floating up. It comes, surprises you, disturbs you, you earn to live in that moment again and for a time forget about the present. Suddenly the conscious mind taps you on your shoulders and reminds you about your present. The memory again sinks back and settles somewhere. Who knows how much is its resident time there? Whether it will come up ever again or be buried forever. Or someone shall again stir the settled memories and bring it up again.
It has been months since I had put the pen to the paper. It seems that urge to write has been blocked by some unknown hand which is holding back my hand. There are thousands of things on my mind which I wish to share by putting them on the paper. In fact due to the multitude of the things, it has become a big task to manage them efficiently.
The words seem to flying thick like flies before my eyes and only thing I have to do is to catch them and arrange them on the paper in a logical manner. But they are so nimble and dart away as soon as I try to catch them. They want to be free not imprisoned on the paper.
And also there are other emotions which are preventing me to write. These are indescribable in words. They are the feelings which don’t have any name. They are all so abstract like propositions in the quantum mechanics. Today I am trying to break their resistance and holding the pen I am devising my own grammar and words. Let it be boring. Let the real emotions do not lend them to be put out on the paper in black and white.
Most of us are the slaves of our mind. And where does the mind gets its power to control the body of which it is a part of? It is the master and feeds on our fears, anger, happiness and all other emotions. In turn, it generates another responses which may be necessary to defend our body from dangers or may be harmful to our body.
Life seems to an illusion. In fact, whole world seems to be a figment of falsehood. People seem to be too trivial, becoming too happy and too distraught with small achievements and losses.
There is opaque gossamer which Maya has spread over this world to keep us away from the real truth. Maya schemes day and night to keep us mired in trivial attachments and actions. It dangles morsels of earthly sensual pleasures from time to time to maintain its sway over us. It makes every effort to keep us away from our creator, the real contentment and peace. By the time, us mortals realize our folly, it is too late to make any amends. We are slaves to sensory pleasures. It requires a mountainous effort to break the shackles. There is always the danger of relapse similar to the alcoholics and addicts. Its hold is so strong on the individuals that most of them make no effort to break the shackles and see the truth. The truth which is real beauty and the Creator.
I am disillusioned with this world. Nothing is permanent here. All of the entities are transitory and have fleeting existence. Still we cannot think clearly and lucidly. In fact, we surrender to small and immediate pleasures. Today the thinking is to live the current moments to the full because no body has seen the tomorrow. We never contemplate our deeds. Most of us are bereft of hindsight, because at the time of passing through a crisis, we many a times think that we will not let this repeat again. We promise ourselves to examine our deeds but we become complacent and are totally ill prepared for the next events.
I still find myself floundering. Still not settled at new place. So little time is left. Due to this my literary urge has been suppressed these days. This is the reason, I have not written anything worthwhile since many days.
What to write? is the question. My mind seems to have run out of ideas and observations. I feel that everything around us is a mirage, it is not reality, it is Maya. Those whom you thought were close to you have been found wanting. What is the reality nobody knows. I feel that we are caught is the web of trivial. This is not what I am searching. But what I am searching is also not known to me. But this far I am sure that I have wasted my time which was aplenty with me. Now only the cloud of repentance is presenting itself to me and I am unable to see through it clearly, everything is so hazy.
Who is happy and who is not? It is matter of personal perception. Most of us find happiness in the mundane. We laugh excessively when we supplant others, we are better than others, we laugh at others, knowing well that tomorrow it may be our turn to weep and others to be joyous. So why can’t we be normal? We can’t we control our baser instincts? Every man wants to hog attention. If it is not possible by being good, let it be by being bad. Notoriety is as good as fame.
I have so much hindsight which is no use because time for learning from it and sensibly handle the same situations if repeated is past is gone. Now the clock is ticking faster and final countdown may begin anytime. Yes, there is a great regret for not doing what I was capable of and squandering away the time God has given me in plenty.
Now everything seems to be sham and fake. It may give contentment to others but not me. Nothing interest my mind for long. Then I see there are my friends who have not enjoyed their lives under the social norms, who have sacrificed their happiness and family lives for the sake of their parents. If they get some moments of happiness, then why the world grudges. Why then they begin to evaluate it in terms of the norms set down by the society for their own benefit. Why it evaluate only these instances? Why not they see it in the holistic manner? Where are they when the person is suffering alone?
I seem to be searching for peace of mind but it is not there. The world around us may be a snare to fool us. Suppose between me and sun some obstacle comes, should I believe that there is no Sun at all?
Some people are bitten by bug of optimism. This is because they occupy the higher echelons of hierarchy in some organization. This bug bites them and they want to impress it upon the subordinates to be optimist and do the work sincerely and without any questions about the veracity of their projects.
In different religions of the world, every concept has two counterparts. Nature abounds in complements. Man and woman, Yin and Yang, Shiva and Shakti. So much so that Shiva took the form of half man-half woman to show that one is not complete without the other. The life propagates through the complements. A Car cannot run on one wheel.
Also, there is law of conservation for everything. I surmise that not only matter, energy, momentum follow these laws, happiness-sadness, optimism-pessimism also follows these fundamental laws. By this logic, when you talk of making many people optimistic, at the same time you are making equal number of them pessimistic. As positive charges cannot live alone, north pole and south pole of magnet cannot exist separately, optimism cannot exist alone.
So, don’t be lured by such attitude. Do your work sincerely without the need of any advice. Oh! I am also becoming a pedagogue.