Darkness I said. But you may say light only acquires meaning thanks to darkness. Contrary to my expectations, it has turned out to be the opposite. The things which shone from afar turned out to be dark. Darkness was hidden behind the light, lies sugar coated with sweet talk were forced down my gullet.From the great distance, things looked prettier like they say that grass looks greener on the other side of the fence. I don’t blame the ones who gave me wrong impressions. what was the need to do that? Guided by this wrong impression, I came.
From the time of setting my first foot in this place, reality began to unfold. Coverings began to lift and fade away to reveal the dark truths. For some time I thought that it may be my false doubts but as the time went by, everything begun to become clear like water in a pool which became turbid after a stone was thrown begins to again become clearer. I have been shown the flip side, or the underbelly of everything. My hopes soured. I became even more distanced sitting nearer. When I was physically miles away, I was more closer than when I am closer physically I am miles away mentally.
For most of us, the working of our bodies is just like working with windows operating system on computers. Both are concerned with out form and don’t care for what is going behind in the background in response to our actions. The inner machinery has been hid in both the cases. But how much is being behind the scenes even for a small action is mind boggling. I have come to realise this after a very minor looking but an accident with very serious consequences.
When a child learns to stand up and walk, to hold the things in his hands, it is very clumsy in the beginning. Due to the lack of proper coordination between different muscles, things do not happen instantly. But then slowly and surely it becomes so seamless that we do not even think how much complex these tasks are. Even holding a spoon between your thumb and fingers becomes an impossible task if the coordination is lost. In an accident, a piece of glass cut through the wedge between the thumb and forefinger. Seemingly innocuous at first, after a few days when stitches were removed, I realised that my thumb is not behaving the way it should. I cannot bend the joint of thumb. There is a partial loss of sensation in the lower side of thumb. I cannot hold a small thing like a pencil in my thumb and other fingers. There is a tendon which is a like a rope made of fiber which pulls or pushes the joints. This was severed by the glass. After this doctors began telling that due to delay both the severed ends of tendon drift apart and we have to do exploration, find the ends and join them. Then it is anybody’s game, the joined part can strengthen or again tear off.
I have been eating the food now using left hand. Wearing the clothes especially fastening the buttons in shirts, pulling up the zip, squeezing the toothpaste from tube, opening the threaded caps of bottles have become a very difficult and uphill task. Now I have realized the importance of each limb of the body. I am helpless and trying to best adjust according to the resources available and reorient and modify the ways to perform the necessary tasks.