I still find myself floundering. Still not settled at new place. So little time is left. Due to this my literary urge has been suppressed these days. This is the reason, I have not written anything worthwhile since many days.
What to write? is the question. My mind seems to have run out of ideas and observations. I feel that everything around us is a mirage, it is not reality, it is Maya. Those whom you thought were close to you have been found wanting. What is the reality nobody knows. I feel that we are caught is the web of trivial. This is not what I am searching. But what I am searching is also not known to me. But this far I am sure that I have wasted my time which was aplenty with me. Now only the cloud of repentance is presenting itself to me and I am unable to see through it clearly, everything is so hazy.
Who is happy and who is not? It is matter of personal perception. Most of us find happiness in the mundane. We laugh excessively when we supplant others, we are better than others, we laugh at others, knowing well that tomorrow it may be our turn to weep and others to be joyous. So why can’t we be normal? We can’t we control our baser instincts? Every man wants to hog attention. If it is not possible by being good, let it be by being bad. Notoriety is as good as fame.
I have so much hindsight which is no use because time for learning from it and sensibly handle the same situations if repeated is past is gone. Now the clock is ticking faster and final countdown may begin anytime. Yes, there is a great regret for not doing what I was capable of and squandering away the time God has given me in plenty.
Now everything seems to be sham and fake. It may give contentment to others but not me. Nothing interest my mind for long. Then I see there are my friends who have not enjoyed their lives under the social norms, who have sacrificed their happiness and family lives for the sake of their parents. If they get some moments of happiness, then why the world grudges. Why then they begin to evaluate it in terms of the norms set down by the society for their own benefit. Why it evaluate only these instances? Why not they see it in the holistic manner? Where are they when the person is suffering alone?
I seem to be searching for peace of mind but it is not there. The world around us may be a snare to fool us. Suppose between me and sun some obstacle comes, should I believe that there is no Sun at all?