Peace, the most cherished of human desires, eludes me. Humans go to any lengths to find solace. Day in and day out, I find myself in the labyrinth of thoughts from which there seems to be no escape. I am very poor at solving puzzles and always avoid and try to find the easy ways out. Life’s challenges scare me. This tendency is called escapism. But now the differentials of the neglect have become gathering into indefinite integrals and it seems that confounding solution is near. The droplets have collected to become dam and dikes are becoming weaker and any time will give way. The dam will burst.
Most of the time, I am repenting on the lost time. It seems to me that I have been a wastrel of time all these years. Do other people feel like me? I doubt. But I now strongly realize that I have not utilized my potential. I have never let it convert into kinetic form and achieve something. Many times I seem to feel defeated. I try to pick up the gauntlet but soon realize the stamina is not there to translate. Maybe I am not so much of a failure as I think myself to be, yet I am sure I could have done much. Now, I remember the lines of song written by Hindi poet Neeraj, saying that I had stood watching and opportunities, bliss, and happiness had passed at a nearby distance.
I have been a onlooker, I never tried to catch the butterflies hovering over the flowers, or fireflies in the night.