Again and again, that happens. I hit the dead end. It seems that a I am like a bird imprisoned in the cage. My soul is hitting desperately the wire mesh of the cage to break it open and soar in the wide open limitless skies. I am sometimes lying in the bed and opposite through the window a small piece of nature is visible in the form of Jamun tree which has slightly pale green leaves and now there are bunches of fruits which are green and swelling day by day and within one month time they will turn purple. Crows will feast on them, strong gales of wind will knock the fruit to earth where they will instantly burst as they are so delicate. This is visible through the slats. When I sit up, go down the bed and walk towards the window, the vista expands. More than a tree is visible now. One fistful of blue sky is also visible. Tops of buildings where along the water pipelines, some shrubs are growing without the help of any soil but are holding themselves by sending their tentacle like roots into the crevices of the trees.
I want to go out, walk aimlessly along the highway, go and sit on the edge of water in the small rivulets which of course are almost dry now due to summer and heat. Once going by a auto rickshaw, I happened to cross the bridle over the rivulet, and saw on the thin ribbon of water storks sitting pensively as if waiting for the rains to come down and swell the river again. I felt very sad like them. I had my surgery and cannot take liberties with my body, cannot exert too much but I long for the nature and some place where my restless mind can find solace. I want to go out to see the people: all kinds of them rich going in big cars and poor ones on foot or bicycles. Some lugging the heavy loads on their head and some though affluent but carrying the invisible load of stress and tension which contorts their faces.
The bird inside the cage surrenders to his lot after giving many failed tries. He leaves it to his lot. He no longer wrestles with the bars and so much resigned to his fate that he does not make any effort to get away even if the door is opened. He fears the outside world. He becomes the victim of agoraphobia. He is afraid of open nature, trees and open skies.
Not my mind. It is resisting and is suffering from claustrophobia. It will be restless nevertheless nut will not surrender to it for long. Sooner it will soar the skies like a bird. Diving here and there and again rise up and glide on the air waves.