Sometimes, I am so angry with my own self, that I want to run away from here to the place where no one know me. My thoughts are in constant contradiction. But doing the balance of plus and minus, happiness and unhappiness, the answers clearly come out to be negative.
I want to go away, if not for forever, at least for a few days. I know there will be hardships but there must be something new, something to learn from the unexplored places and people. Here my breath seems to be stifled. Silence is like a stone crushing me beneath it. I am like a fish cast out of water, gasping for the water, not to drink it but extract the elixir of life, the oxygen. I will definitely perish if remained in the present situation. Everyone has to go sooner or later.
I feel like a ship floundering against the rocks. I feel that life has passed by and I stood standing watching it going by. By the time, I came to senses, everything was lost. The sparrows of time have eaten all the seeds in the field. Now standing like a vanquished soldier, I am ruing my fate.
Why did not I wake up when the grass was green? When there was ample time to try again and again to improvise. No I am trying to catch up the lost time but find shortage of time. I seemed to have entered the cul-de-sac. The street has become narrower and narrower and even retreat is not possible.
Sometimes, I become angry with me and feels entirely helpless. I want to hide in a corner and weep. Even being among my near and dears, I am alone and my mind holds on to shreds of the past happy moments. They are not many though, can be counted on fingers. I have miscalculated everything, I took for granted many things. I so much desire that foresight is a better gift than hindsight especially when you don’t have many options. But foresight is a commodity which is in short supply and God is very choosy in disbursing it.
I reposed my faith in wrong places and now repenting.